Chai Jiuan Hua as one of the performers for the “Water Repentance” Sutra during the 2012 Year End Blessing Ceremony. He joins 180 other volunteers in repenting the sins of the body, tongue and mind. (Photo by Alvin Tan)
The 29-year-old Jiuan Hua recalls, “I come from a middle-income family. My father works as a construction foreman, and my mum works in a factory. Even as a young boy, I have ambitious dreams - I wanted to make lots of money, live in a luxurious home and own a car.”
As a student, Jiuan Hua was resourceful in finding sources of income. He worked as a vehicle repairman, bookstores, and shoe stores. In addition, he would buy lottery tickets in hopes of getting a windfall and leading a luxurious life.
The Depths of Greed Has No Limits
In 2004, Jiuan Hua entered The University Technical Malaysia, UTeM, and began his life as a college student. At that time, Jiuan Hua made friends who shared the same “ambitions”, and began to scientifically study gambling, hoping to make easy money. Jiuan Hua and his friends often gambled online, and even visited the casino. Fortunately for Jiuan Hua, he realized his affinity with Tzu Chi in university, and took part in Tzu Chi Collegiate Youth Association activities.
After graduating in 2008, Jiuan Hua’s first step in his career was to be in Singapore. As it was his first job, the salary was not up to his expectations and he felt that he wasn’t earning enough. Jiuan Hua’s roommate happened to work in one of the casinos, and often shared the hustle and bustle of the casino floor. In 2011, overwhelmed by the allure of the material gratification, Jiuan Hua made the first of his many visits to Singapore’s two new casinos.
With his mind poisoned by greed, an inordinate desire for the material possessed Jiuan Hua. His betting stakes were small at first and at times he would win two to five hundred Singapore dollars a day. When lady luck accompanied him, he would win two, three thousand dollars a week – more than what he was earning at work. Jiuan Hua treated gambling like his sideline job, thinking that luck would always be on his side. “When I won money, it was as though I could paint a picture of my future in any way I wanted – a dream house, car, and the lifestyle I dreamed of,” he mentioned.
To Sow the Seeds of Ridding Greed and Desire
Caj Jiuan Hua made his first pot of gold at the beginning of 2012. When his capital got bigger, so did his appetite for risk. He frequented the casinos a lot more and his total winnings summed up to more than ten thousand dollars. Looking at the way things were going, his dreams of material comfort and luxury did not seem very far away.
But alas, before his dreams came to fruition, luck ran out and Jiuan Hua lost all his winnings and even his hard saving of S$4,000 during one of his visits. “After I lost the money, I was in a constant state of vexation and it was impossible to focus at work,” he recalls.
The thoughts of “what ifs” and “what could have been” tormented Jiuan Hua. Unable to accept his losses, a defiant Jiuan Hua continued to frequent the casinos, hoping to recover his losses. His stakes grew bigger, and in one occasion he lost more than S$2,000 on a single bet within half an hour of being at the casino. The sudden realization of how fast one can lose money gambling made him quiver in utter shock. It was his wake up call.
Jiuan Hua’s ordeal at the casino made him realized that he has been trapped in a bottomless pit of desire and that he was squandering his life away. At that moment, his senior from his college days contacted him and invited him for Tzu Chi’s Islandwide Recycling Day. As time went by and Jiuan Hua started participating in Tzu Chi’s activities regularly, he slowly came to accept reality and found his peace as he ventured back to the right path.
Sowing The Seeds Of Ridding Greed
In the mid of 2012, Jiuan Hua moved to reside in the east and started to be more active in Tzu Chi’s activities. He subsequently joined the Documentation Team of Tzu Chi where he picked up photography skills.
After joining the Documentation Team of Tzu Chi, Chai Jiuan Hua worked hard to learn the ropes of photography. He is now a regular photography volunteer for the East District. (Photo by Alvin Tan)
The positive influence of Tzu Chi’s volunteers and environment inspired Jiuan Hua’s resolve to rid his heart of greed and desire. Jiuan Hua went on to take part in the “Water Repentance” study group and rehearse for the sutra adaptation for the Year-End Blessing Ceremony. He was moved by the spirit and dedication of his peers, which were in direct contrast of how he lived his life when he frequented casinos. His time spent at Tzu Chi in Singapore was fruitful. “Actually, I always have this phobia on Sign Language performance. When I was in university, I have participated in the sign language performance on the “Parable of the Kneeling Lamb”, the experience was tough! However, constant practice not only allowed me to perform in sign language flawlessly, it also allowed me to appreciate the learning process and the sutras’ teachings,” he says.
On 13 January 2013, Tzu Chi Singapore Branch held its Year End Blessing Ceremony where the East District was to perform on two sessions - Jiuan Hua was one of the performers. As his time on stage came to an end, tears welled up in his eyes as he recalls a passage in a sutra he read before : “The guilt that arises within oneself urges one to repent. When the ‘self’ ceases to exist, so does our guilt. When guilt and self no longer exists, the one has truly repented.”
Like a ritualistic purgatory and confession of the sins of the body, tongue and mind, the spirited performance by the 180 volunteers on stage allowed Jiuan Hua to finally let go of his past transgressions as he re-embarks on his life journey on a clean slate and clear mind.
Jing Si Aphorisms: “When we have something, let us cherish it. When we do not, let us be content.” This has become Jiuan Hua’s new motto and his reminder to always pursue the Eight Noble Paths and Tzu Chi’s Ten Precepts, which Jiuan Hua now proudly undertakes.
Chai Jiuan Hua places verses of the “37 Percepts to Enlightenment” as his handphone’s wallpaper to remind himself to pursue the Eight Noble Path and follow the ten Tzu Chi precepts. (Photo by Alvin Tan)
Chai Jiuan Hua introduces the Bamboo Piggy Bank to audiences at the Year End Blessing Ceremony. (Photo by Cai You Liang)
Chai Jiuan Hua during the fundraising efforts for Hurricane Sandy. He took on the responsible as coordinator of the logistics and distribution of manpower for the volunteers from the East District. (Photo by Alvin Tan)
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